adventuresofaschmidiot

The Shiny Season

How do we conceive of the fact that whole swaths of society are still grappling with a stress event so severe that our hair fell out? … That hundreds of thousands of people are still dealing with the effects of a virus that, in its acute form, turns the body on itself — and soContinue reading “The Shiny Season”

Have Yourself A Merry Little September

I find my nephew’s emotional sensitivity endearing and moving, especially as I get to experience it alongside his joy and humor. When we describe kids as being constantly carefree and light, we not only erase important aspects of their humanity, we also set an impossible standard for ourselves as we get older.

On Birds, Bad Days, and Paying Attention

I lay in bed covered by my weighted blanket, trying desperately not to scream or start sobbing. My brain was churning itself into a mental illness smoothie: panic mixed with depression mixed with ADHD overwhelm. It had been one of those days. I sliced my finger open trying to cut bread. I found out thatContinue reading “On Birds, Bad Days, and Paying Attention”

Healing is Hard Part 2: Doing The Work

“You’re doing the work.” My therapist said this to me recently. I’ve heard this from therapists before. It’s a phrase that’s both flattering and irritating in its vagueness. What is “the work?” Why am I doing it? And how long do I have to keep it up?

The Cardinal And The Storm

CONTENT/TRIGGER WARNING: References to chronic illness, self-harm, and depression/anxiety. I’m lying on the couch listening to the icy February rain slide down my living room window. Dizzy, nauseated, and suffering from a severe migraine, I can’t concentrate on anything other than its excruciating pain. It feels like ice picks digging behind my eye sockets combinedContinue reading “The Cardinal And The Storm”

Breaking Is Easy. Healing is Harder.

CONTENT/TRIGGER WARNING: Reproductive justice issues including miscarriage and stillbirth and abortion rights, COVID-19, mentions of suicide and suicidal ideation, anxiety, depression, and thoughts of self-harm. “Just tighten your shoulders..just clench your jaw ’til you frown. Just don’t let go ’cause you may drown.” Rent, book by Jonathan Larson. The skylight in the living room ofContinue reading “Breaking Is Easy. Healing is Harder.”

The Time Traveling Sweatshirt: A Pandemic Carol

“Things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end, if not always in the way we expect.” Luna Lovegood, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix My grey Star Wars sweatshirt lay unassumingly on top of my boyfriend’s bed, wrinkled and unremarkable. And yet, the sight of it caused me to stopContinue reading “The Time Traveling Sweatshirt: A Pandemic Carol”

The Long Pause

But the main reason I struggled to write lately is I finally realized one of my fatal flaws as a writer: I’m overly fond of a neat ending. I love to put a bow on things. I love a pithy last line. And the story I’m in, that we’re all in, will not enjoy a neat ending.

Filter Bubbles and Close Encounters: Reflections on City Life

I’m coming up on the one year anniversary of my move to New York City, and have been thinking a lot about how where we live impacts our perspective on life and how we interact with the people around us. I just finished a fascinating book called “How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy” by Jenny Odell. The premise of Odell’s book is that “in a world where our value is determined by our 24/7 data productivity…doing nothing may be our most important form of resistance.”

One Year Later

I was alone so longI didn’t even know that I was lonelyOut in the cold so longI didn’t even know that I was coldTurned my collar to the windThis is how it’s always been All I’ve ever known is how to hold my ownAll I’ve ever known is how to hold my ownBut now IContinue reading “One Year Later”